I believe in miracles

I have always been a fan of modern medicine - though I do not believe that it is the ultimate answer for everything - I do believe that it is one way that God works miracles in our lives. I believe that because God has worked a miracle in my life through the hands of a skilled surgeon, priesthood blessings, and a lot of faith.

It is really hard to describe what the past 6 months of my life has been like. Unless you have experienced chronic pain yourself, I don't think you can really even relate. (I say this because I thought I could relate to people who had chronic pain...then I experienced chronic pain and discovered that I had NO IDEA what it was like). Being in pain 24/7 is physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually DRAINING. It is a roller coaster ride of some highs and a lot of lows. There are moments of perspective and gratitude and then there are moments of self-pity and depression. It takes an enormous amount of effort and time to do things that were once second nature and effortless and you experience the feeling of being totally useless or even worthless. It's a low point, and I have been there quite a bit throughout this journey.

The emotions you walk through are vast and deep. I didn't realize it until a few days before my surgery, but there was a lot of pent up anger against my back. I finally realized that I was angry that all of the plans that I had made hadn't come to fruition. I was angry that my life had become so sedentary and painful at such a young age. I was so frustrated and angry that I could not do what my heart and soul wanted to do because my body would not let me. I was really angry - and I had my moment with that emotion. I invited it in and then let it all out. I felt a lot better and was able to make peace with the anger. This same thing happened with a lot of emotions.

Through it all, there has always been faith. Faith comes naturally to me and I just can't help but trust that God sees me and hears my prayers. I knew that things would work out - though there were moments in which I felt like I would never find the right answers. It is because of my faith that I was able to ask the question, 'What am I supposed to learn from this experience?' I got a lot of answers in response to that question and I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this post - I am so grateful for modern medicine... I am grateful for a great neurosurgeon who really knew what he was doing and was able to fix my back. I have not felt this good in over 2 1/2 years and I cannot express how grateful I am for this wonderful miracle in my life. I am still recovering, but I am getting better every day and will soon be able to do all of the things that I love. I am ecstatic at how well the surgery went and can't wait to fully recover. It is so wonderful to not be in pain 24/7!!!

In short - I believe in miracles. Big ones. Life-changing ones. This whole experience has been a refiners fire and though it was a difficult challenge, I am so glad that I was blessed with it. I feel like a wiser, more compassionate, more grateful person and I am thankful for the experiences I have walked through.

I am also grateful for the miracles that I was given through dozens of earthly angels who rushed to my side with a willing heart and a serving hand. You may feel like you have done something small, but to me it was something big. Thank you!

Here is a pic of me in the hospital. I don't look too bad for being on drugs and only getting one and a half hours of sleep.

And here is a picture of my sweet scar. It is 2 1/4 inches long and it is healing really well.