Please disregard previous post that informed the world of bloggers that I did not need surgery. It seemed that I didn't need surgery because my legs weren't experiencing numbness, pain, tingling, or weakness, but a nerve conduction test found that I have in fact lost about 10% of my nerve function in my left quad (and therefore my muscle is weaker than it should be). This is all due to pinched nerves in my back and there is no way for them to unpinch themselves unless I have a discectomy to remove the protruding disc and create room for all of my nerves.
I am also at risk for permanently loosing the function of my bowel and bladder as well as paralysis if my disc protrudes any farther than it already is. Both of these outcomes would be horrible to live with and they are also another reason for doing the surgery. Please pray that my back will stay as healthy as it is for another six weeks!
My surgery is scheduled for December 19th and I am really excited about it. Of course back surgery is no small thing, but neither is living with constant back pain. I simply cannot live with this pain for the rest of my life, and while surgery comes with risks and a three month recovery I am willing to brave that journey in order to get my life back.
It's difficult to explain what it is like to be so limited and in such pain for so long. It is obviously physically taxing on a day to day basis, but it is also very emotionally and mentally draining. I have been reminded of what it must feel like for a young baby or toddler trying to learn to walk. You try, but your body simply won't let you right now. It's incredibly frustrating, disheartening, and exhausting. My mind and my spirit have so many things that they want to do right now, and my body won't let them. Even sitting for more than 20 minutes is a very difficult thing to do. Even lying down doesn't make it go away. I am looking forward to having a body that will let me do the dishes and laundry without fatigue, exercise without pain, and be independent again. It's funny how often we complain about daily monotony until we are no longer able to participate. This experience has made me look at life in a new light and appreciate so much more than I ever have before.
4 comments:
I hope you stay well before your surgery. Stay strong! You are in our prayers!
back surgery... man. you're one brave chika. i'll be there for the next few months while you battle your way back to a painless life. GO TIN. GO TIN GO. =D
It's amazing how often we take for granted the little things...like going about our daily lives with no pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not going anywhere for the holidays, so seriously, if I can do anything to help you, please let me know! I would love to help.
Yay on getting better is all I have to say. Not much is going on here, it's tumultuous times for the Church in California so that's kind of been on the forefront. Weather is perfect, as always. You should come recover here, it'll be like your back rehab.
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