Have you seen the movie, Doubt, with Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman? It is a well done film as it is both artistically crafted and thought provoking. The films plot isn't really pertinent to this post, but the ending is. You are left doubting in the end - unsure of who was right or wrong. Unsure if you, yourself were right in your assumptions. That is how I have felt as a parent this past week.
Full of DOUBT.
Not about my choice to become a mom, but about how I am choosing to parent. Up until now Kylie's care has been primarily physical - changing diapers, feeding her, bathing her, providing a safe and loving environment for her to learn, and of course giving lots of hugs and kisses. And, while these responsibilities are physically exhausting, they are straight forward and fairly clear cut. I felt quite confident as a mom and I am really good at all of the above.
Now that Kylie is almost five months old (hard to believe, but true) we are starting to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. She was sleeping through the night until she turned four months old when she started waking up two or more times a night. Thus causing me to get less sleep which equals me being tired. Really, really tired. So two weeks ago we started to teach her how to fall asleep on her own without relying on breastfeeding before hand.
It is the first parenting conundrum that we/I have faced so far. We are trying to apply what the experts say, but there are a wide range of opinions, and we are also trying to keep in mind that she is her own unique baby and we need to make adjustments accordingly. We tired a few things that weren't really working, so for the past few nights we have been letting her cry it out, comforting her every 5-10 minutes and making sure she is okay.
And it totally, completely bites. HARD.
She cried for 50 minutes tonight and it about killed me.
I know that she needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own, but I feel awful having her cry so much, yet feel at a loss for what else to do. Point being, we don't know what the heck we are doing and few people seem to have any advice on what to do. Do any of you experienced moms out there have any tips, tricks, advice, and encouragement to hand out?
I want to do the right thing for Kylie and for us and it is sometimes very difficult to know what that thing is. We make one decision on a course of action only to doubt it the next day. I like feeling sure about what I am doing and am realizing that this doubt over teaching her to sleep is only the beginning of the doubts that I will have as a mom. That is far more difficult to manage than dirty diapers and late night feedings.
It has been a rough week and today was particularly challenging. Thankfully, Jonathan is an amazing husband and father and he willingly took Kylie to a gun show with grandpa today so that I could get some much needed sleep (I was in tears from exhaustion). It was the best three hour nap I have had in a very long time. I don't know how single moms do it - raising kids is a two person job. At least. =)
Full of DOUBT.
Not about my choice to become a mom, but about how I am choosing to parent. Up until now Kylie's care has been primarily physical - changing diapers, feeding her, bathing her, providing a safe and loving environment for her to learn, and of course giving lots of hugs and kisses. And, while these responsibilities are physically exhausting, they are straight forward and fairly clear cut. I felt quite confident as a mom and I am really good at all of the above.
Now that Kylie is almost five months old (hard to believe, but true) we are starting to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. She was sleeping through the night until she turned four months old when she started waking up two or more times a night. Thus causing me to get less sleep which equals me being tired. Really, really tired. So two weeks ago we started to teach her how to fall asleep on her own without relying on breastfeeding before hand.
It is the first parenting conundrum that we/I have faced so far. We are trying to apply what the experts say, but there are a wide range of opinions, and we are also trying to keep in mind that she is her own unique baby and we need to make adjustments accordingly. We tired a few things that weren't really working, so for the past few nights we have been letting her cry it out, comforting her every 5-10 minutes and making sure she is okay.
And it totally, completely bites. HARD.
She cried for 50 minutes tonight and it about killed me.
I know that she needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own, but I feel awful having her cry so much, yet feel at a loss for what else to do. Point being, we don't know what the heck we are doing and few people seem to have any advice on what to do. Do any of you experienced moms out there have any tips, tricks, advice, and encouragement to hand out?
I want to do the right thing for Kylie and for us and it is sometimes very difficult to know what that thing is. We make one decision on a course of action only to doubt it the next day. I like feeling sure about what I am doing and am realizing that this doubt over teaching her to sleep is only the beginning of the doubts that I will have as a mom. That is far more difficult to manage than dirty diapers and late night feedings.
It has been a rough week and today was particularly challenging. Thankfully, Jonathan is an amazing husband and father and he willingly took Kylie to a gun show with grandpa today so that I could get some much needed sleep (I was in tears from exhaustion). It was the best three hour nap I have had in a very long time. I don't know how single moms do it - raising kids is a two person job. At least. =)
2 comments:
I know exactly what you're talking about!!! I did the SAME thing with Kallie. I had the HARDEST time letting her cry. She was still so tiny! Plus, I felt like I was abandoning her and she didn't understand why. Maybe not all moms feel that way when sleep training, but because of all of my feelings, I just couldn't do it that way!
The way that my day was structured, I rarely fed her to sleep--even for naps. Instead, I would get her out of bed, change her diaper and then breastfeed. We would play for a little while and then I would rock her and sing to her, (we had one song we would always sing at sleep time), and I would hold her until she was either asleep or almost asleep. Then I would put her in her bed.
Now--all of that being said, there are a few factors that can come into play at about 4 mos. Is she getting enough to eat? Have you started her on solids? I am more of a wait-until-6-mos-to-start-solids kind of mom. BUT--if she's not getting enough to eat, that could be one reason she's waking at night now. Listen to your mother heart. (Pray about it if you feel need discernment--as a tired mom, this can really help!) You, as her mother, know what you and she can handle.
The "experts" will tell you to only spoon feel them solids. Well, by the time I got to Whitney, I decided heck with the experts and I made rice cereal in a fairly thin solution, put it in a bottle, and enlarged the hole of 1-2 bottle nipples so she could suck it down. It helped.
I know I have written a book already, but one more story. :) When Kallie was 6 mos. old, she started taking 10 minute naps. I was DYING. There was only time to hold a fussy baby and no time to get ANYTHING else done. I mentioned it to her pediatrician (who had 5 or 6 kids) and he said they always use radio static in their baby's room. It made a HUGE difference! In fact, all of my babies have benefitted from the radio static idea. (As a side note, I can't find good static here in WA--too many radio stations--so we bought a white noise machine for Clayton. It works like a CHARM!) It was also at this time that a friend suggested "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I found it a more gentle approach to sleep training that fit in more with my parenting style--so if you haven't read that one yet, give it a try.
In the end, I KNOW that you are a good mom! I remember feeling like a terrible mom because I didn't know what I was doing. (Get used to the feeling...) ;) But, in the end, you're a wonderful mom because you CARE about your baby's sleep. You CARE that she's crying and you CARE about how this is all working for your whole family. Hang in there--this, too, shall pass! You're doing great!
I'm not an experienced mom by any means, but I know you, and I know you can do it.
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